* Meeting Secretary:

Opening

Good morning and welcome to the Saturday International Step-Brothers of CoDA Virtual Meeting of Co-Dependents Anonymous. My name is _____________ and I am a co-dependent. Would you please help me open this meeting with a moment of silence, followed by the Serenity Prayer.

      Would someone volunteer to read the Serenity Prayer while the group follows in silence.

Serenity Prayer:  

God, grant me the serenity…  to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can,  And the wisdom to know the difference.

• Meeting Secretary:

At this time, we ask that you please mute your microphone until ready to speak and remember to mute once finished.

• Meeting Secretary:

The Preamble of Co-Dependents Anonymous

Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of people whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and fulfilling relationships. We gather together to support and share with each other in a journey of self-discovery—learning to love the self. Living the program allows each of us to become increasingly honest with ourselves about our personal histories and our own codependent behaviors.

We rely upon the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for knowledge and wisdom. These are the principles of our program and guides to developing honest and fulfilling relationships with ourselves and others. In CoDA, we each learn to build a bridge to a Higher Power of our own understanding, and we allow others the same privilege.

This renewal process is a gift of healing for us. By actively working the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous, we can each realize a new joy, acceptance, and serenity in our lives.

* Meeting Secretary:

We will now read the Twelve Steps. Would you please read one or more and then pass. 

Who would like to begin?

The Twelve Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous

1. We admitted we were powerless over others—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being, the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other codependents, and to practice these principles in all our Affairs.

* Meeting Secretary:

We will now read the Twelve Traditions. Would you please read one or more and then pass. Who would like to begin?

The Twelve Traditions of Co-Dependents Anonymous

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon CoDA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority—a loving higher power as expressed to our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for membership in CoDA is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.
4. Each group should remain autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or CoDA as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose, to carry its message to other codependents who still suffer.
6. A CoDA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the CoDA name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.
7. A CoDA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Co-Dependents Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special workers.
9. CoDA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.
10. CoDA has no opinion on outside issues; hence the CoDA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, and films.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions; ever reminding us to place… 

[all] principles before personalities.

* Meeting Secretary:

Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence

The following checklist is offered as a tool to aid in self-evaluation. It may be particularly helpful to newcomers as they begin to understand codependency. It may aid those who have been in recovery a while to determine what traits still need attention and Transformation.

We will now read the Patterns and Characteristics and the Recovery Patterns corresponding to the week of the month. For a four-week month, both week 4 and week 5 will be read. Who would like to begin? 

• Week 1 Reader:  Denial Patterns

Codependents often…	In Recovery…
Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling	I am aware of my feelings and identify them, often in the moment. I know the difference between my thoughts & feelings.
Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel.	I embrace my feelings; they are valid and important.
Perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the wellbeing of others	I know the difference between caring and caretaking. I recognize that caretaking others is often motivated by a need to benefit myself.
Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.	I am able to feel compassion for another’s feelings and needs.
Label others with their negative traits.	I acknowledge that I may own the negative traits I often perceive in others.
Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others.	I acknowledge that I sometimes need the help of others.
Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.	I am aware of my painful feelings and express them appropriately.
Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.	I am able to express my feelings openly, directly, and calmly.
Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted.	I pursue intimate relationships only with others who want, and are able to engage in, healthy and loving relationships.

• Week 2 Reader:  Low Self-Esteem

Codependents often…	In Recovery…
Have difficulty making decisions.	I trust my ability to make effective decisions.
Judge what they think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.	I accept myself as I am.  I emphasize progress over perfection.
Are embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.	I feel appropriately worthy of the recognition, praise, or gifts I receive.
Value others’ approval of their thinking, feelings, and behavior over their own.	I value the opinions of those I trust, without needing to gain their approval.  I have confidence in myself.
Do not perceive themselves as lovable or worthwhile persons.	I recognize myself as being a lovable and valuable person.
Seek recognition and praise to overcome feeling less than.	I seek my own approval first and examine my motivations carefully when I seek approval from others.
Have difficulty admitting a mistake.	I continue to take my personal inventory, and when I am wrong, promptly admit it.
Need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and may even lie to look good.	I am honest with myself about my behaviors and motivations. I feel secure enough to admit mistakes to myself and others, and to hear their opinions without feeling threatened.
Are unable to identify or ask for what they need and want.	I meet my own needs and wants when possible. I reach out for help when it’s necessary and appropriate.
Perceive themselves as superior to others.	I perceive myself as equal to others.
Look to others to provide their sense of safety.	With the help of my Higher Power, I create safety in my life.
Have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.	I avoid procrastination by meeting my responsibilities in a timely manner.
Have trouble setting healthy priorities and boundaries.	I am able to establish and uphold healthy priorities and boundaries in my life.

• Week 3 Reader:  Compliance Patterns

Codependents often…	In Recovery…
Are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.	I am committed to my safety and leave situations that feel unsafe or are inconsistent with my goals.
Compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.	I am rooted in my own values, even if others don’t agree or become angry.
Put aside their own interests in order to do what others want.	I consider my interests and feelings when asked to participate in another’s plans.
Are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.	I can separate my feelings from the feelings of others. I allow myself to experience my feelings and others to be responsible for their feelings.
Are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.	I respect my own opinions and feelings and express them appropriately.
Accept sexual attention when they want love.	My sexuality is grounded in genuine intimacy and connection. When I need to feel loved, I express my heart’s desires. I do not settle for sex without love.
Make decisions without regard to the consequences.	I ask my Higher Power for guidance and consider possible consequences before I make decisions.
Give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change.	I stand in my truth and maintain my integrity, whether others approve or not, even if it means making difficult changes in my life.

• Week 4 Reader:  Control Patterns

Codependents often…	In Recovery…
Believe people are incapable of taking care of themselves.	I realize that, with rare exceptions, other adults are capable of managing their own lives.
Attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.	I accept the thoughts, choices, and feelings of others, even though I may not be comfortable with them.
Freely offer advice and direction without being asked.	I give advice only when asked.
Become resentful when others decline their help or reject their advice.	I am content to see others take care of themselves.
Lavish gifts and favors on those they want to influence.	I carefully and honestly contemplate my motivations when preparing to give a gift.
Use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.	I embrace and celebrate my sexuality as evidence of my health and wholeness. I do not use it to gain the approval of others.
Have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others.	I develop relationships with others based on equality, intimacy, and balance.
Demand that their needs be met by others.	I find and use resources that meet my needs without making demands on others. I ask for help when I need it, without expectation.
Use charm and charisma to convince others of their capacity to be caring and compassionate.	I behave authentically with others, allowing my caring and compassionate qualities to emerge.
Use blame and shame to exploit others emotionally.	I ask directly for what I want and need and trust the outcome to my Higher Power. I do not try to manipulate outcomes with blame or shame.
Refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.	I cooperate, compromise, and negotiate with others in a way that honors my integrity.
Adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.	I treat others with respect and consideration, and trust my Higher Power to meet my needs and desires.
Use recovery jargon in an attempt to control the behavior of others.	I use my recovery for my own growth and not to manipulate or control others.
Pretend to agree with others to get what they want.	My communication with others is authentic and truthful.

• Week 5 (or another Week 4) Reader: Avoidance Patterns

Codependents often…	In Recovery…
Act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward them.	I act in ways that encourage loving and healthy responses from others.
Judge harshly what others think, say, or do.	I keep an open mind and accept others as they are.
Avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way to maintain distance.	I engage in emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy when it is healthy and appropriate for me.
Allow addictions to people, places, and things to distract them from achieving intimacy in relationships.	I practice my recovery to develop healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Use indirect or evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.	I use direct and straightforward communication to resolve conflicts and deal appropriately with confrontations.
Diminish their capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use the tools of recovery.	When I use the tools of recovery, I am able to develop and maintain healthy relationships of my choosing.
Suppress their feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.	I embrace my own vulnerability by trusting and honoring my feelings and needs.
Pull people toward them, but when others get close, push them away.	I welcome close relationships while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Refuse to give up their self-will to avoid surrendering to a power greater than themselves.	I believe in and trust a power greater than myself. I willingly surrender my self-will to my Higher Power.
Believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.	I honor my authentic emotions and share them when appropriate.
Withhold expressions of appreciation.	I freely engage in expressions of appreciation toward others.

• Meeting Secretary:

Welcome

We welcome you to Co-Dependents Anonymous—a program of recovery from codependence, where each of us may share our experience, strength, and hope in our efforts to find freedom where there has been bondage, and peace where there has been turmoil in our relationships with others and ourselves.

Codependence is a deeply-rooted compulsive behavior. It is born out of our sometimes moderately, sometimes extremely dysfunctional families and other systems. We attempted to use others as our sole source of identity, value, well-being, and as a way of trying to restore our emotional losses. Our histories may include other powerful addictions which we have used to cope with our codependency.

We have all learned to survive life, but in CoDA we are learning to live life. Through applying the Twelve Steps and principles found in CoDA to our daily lives and relationships, both present and past, we can experience a new freedom from our self-defeating lifestyles. Our sharing helps us to free the emotional bonds of our past and the compulsive control of our present.

No matter how traumatic your past or despairing your present may seem, there is hope for a new day in the program of Co-Dependents Anonymous. May you find a new strength within to be that which God intended… [all] Precious and Free

* Meeting Secretary:

Introductions 

If you are attending your first CoDA meeting, or attending this meeting for the first time, please let us know as we take turns introducing ourselves. My name is____________.

* Meeting Secretary:

We each determine our own recovery birthday. We select a date when we first started to work on our own issues in CoDA’s twelve step program. We celebrate new members, 1 month, 2 months, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 1 year, 2 years, etc.  Is there anyone celebrating a CoDA birthday?

Announcements

• Meeting Secretary:

If anyone would like to order literature, you may do so by going to the website at corepublications.org.

[FIRST SATURDAY ONLY] * Meeting Secretary:

There is a business meeting, today, after the group meeting, all are welcome.

• Meeting Secretary:

Are there any other CoDA announcements?

Lastly, if any of you would like to stay after the meeting to continue talking, all are welcome to stay for fellowship after the meeting.

• Meeting Secretary:

CoDA is an anonymous program. We ask that you respect the anonymity and confidentiality of each person in this meeting. We ask that who you see here, what is said here, when you leave here, let it stay here… [all] Here! Here!

Discussion Topics for each Week:

• Meeting Secretary: [read the applicable week]

Week 1:  Steps:

On the first Saturday of the month, for up to 15 minutes, we take turns reading from the CoDA Big Book, followed by the CoDA Green Workbook for the step that corresponds with the month, and then share on that step. Who would like to keep time using the Zoom “beep” setting?  Who would like to begin reading from the CoDA Big Book?

Week 2:  Characteristics:

On week 2, we share on the characteristic that corresponds with the month.

1. Codependents typically assume responsibility for other people’s feelings.
2. Codependents typically are not aware of how they feel and cannot identify their feelings.
3. Codependents typically tend to minimize, alter, or even deny the truth about how they feel.
4. Codependents typically tend to fear or worry about how others may respond to their feelings.
5. Codependents typically bolster their self-esteem by trying to solve other people’s problems.
6. Codependents typically look to other people to determine what to do, say, or feel.
7. Codependents typically focus their attention on pleasing another person.
8. Codependents typically have difficulty acknowledging good things about themselves.
9. Codependents typically tend to judge everything they say or do harshly, by someone else’s standards.
10. Codependents typically have difficulty in forming and/or maintaining close relationships with others.
11. Codependents typically have to feel needed in order to have a relationship with others.
12. Codependents typically do not know or believe that asking for help is both OK and Normal.

Week 3:  Traditions:

On week 3, we take turns reading from the CoDA Green Workbook for the Tradition corresponding to the month and then share on that Tradition. Who would like to begin reading from the CoDA Green Workbook?

Week 4:  Promises:

On week 4, we share on the Promise that corresponds with the month.

Week 5:  Open Topic Shares: On week 5, we share on anything affecting our recovery.

Sharing Portion

[MEETING SECRETARY CHOICE] If we have a large group, the Secretary may request that you use the “raise hand function” to alert the leader of your desire to share and the Secretary will keep track of the order of the hands for sharing and will indicate the next person to share. Otherwise “popcorn” style.

*Meeting Secretary:

We’ve now entered the sharing portion of our meeting. Please limit your sharing to 3-5 minutes to allow for everyone to share. We use a timer to help monitor time and ask that upon hearing the timer beep at the 5-minute mark that you conclude your sharing within 15 seconds. Who would like to keep time using the Zoom “beep” setting?

A reminder about crosstalk: “Crosstalk” can be giving unsolicited feedback, advice-giving, answering, making “you” and “we” statements, interrogating, debating, criticizing, controlling and dominating. In our meetings we speak about our own experience, and we listen without comment to what others share. We work toward taking responsibility in our own lives, rather than giving advice to others. Crosstalk guidelines help keep our meeting a safe place. We ask you to please not interrupt someone else’s sharing—not to make comments about other people’s statements—do not give advice—and to talk only about yourself.  The sharing of our experiences is best done with “I” statements.

Please also remember to mute your microphone until you are ready to share and remember to mute again once you are done.  The sharing of our experiences is best done with “I” statements.

Please share only once until all have shared or wait at least 30 seconds before sharing a second time. A “second” share is limited to 3 minutes.  The last sharing will end by 9:55 am. 

The meeting is now open for sharing…

To Close the Meeting…

* Meeting Secretary:

That concludes the sharing portion of our meeting. I would again like to thank you for sharing and remind you that CoDA is an anonymous program. Please respect the anonymity and confidentiality of each person in this meeting. We ask that who you see here, what is said here, when you leave here, let it stay here… [all] Here! Here!

Our Seventh tradition reminds us that we are self-supporting through our own contributions. We ask that you donate only as you can. Donations are used for meeting expenses, literature, and general CoDA expenses. You may donate online at saturdaymensgroup.com.

Who would like to secretary the next meeting and arrive 5 minutes early to welcome others?

* Meeting Secretary:

We will now read the Twelve Promises. Would you please read one or more and then pass.

Who would like to begin?

The Twelve Promises of Co-Dependents Anonymous

1. I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.
2. I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity.
3. I know a new freedom.
4. I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.
5. I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving, and loved.
6. I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.
7. I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.
8. I learn that it is possible to mend—to become more loving, intimate, and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.
9. I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.
10. I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.
11. I trust the guidance I receive from my higher power and come to believe in my own capabilities.
12. I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.

Are these extravagant promises?… [all] We think not!  

They are being fulfilled among us– sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. 

They will always materialize if we work for them.

• Meeting Secretary:

We will now end our meeting with the CoDa Closing Prayer.  (Accepted & Changed 7/5/25)

Would someone volunteer to read the Closing Prayer while the group follows in silence:

We thank our Higher Power, for all that we have received from this meeting.

As we close, may we take with us the wisdom, love, acceptance, and hope of recovery.

Keep Coming Back! It works if you work it, so work it ‘cause you’re worth it!!!

(Business Meeting Format on next page; Secretary for this week continues as the Chairman for the Business Meeting)

International Step-Brothers of CoDA

Business Meeting – First Saturday

(Meeting Format and Meeting Minutes Template)

Date: ____________________

Format

Note to Chairman

1. The Chairman may request a volunteer to take notes and prepare Minutes for approval for the next Business Meeting.

2. The Chairman has a vote.

3. The business meeting should last 30 minutes and can be extended by 3-minute increments by group conscience.  Who would like to keep time using the Zoom “beep” setting?

4. Each topic is discussed for 5 minutes and can be extended by 1-minute increments by group conscience.  Who would like to keep time using the Zoom “beep” setting?

5. To become group conscience, a measure must pass by a ⅔ majority of the men present. 

This format was voted on and approved on April 4th, 2026.

Open with The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity…  to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

Attendance:

Minutes from the last meeting:  Comments or Corrections with Acceptance of those Minutes.

Treasurer’s report:

Old business:

New business:

Close with the CoDa Closing Prayer:  would someone like to read our Closing Prayer as the rest of us follow along.

We thank our Higher Power, for all that we have received from this meeting.

As we close, may we take with us the wisdom, love, acceptance, and hope of recovery.